Childhood trauma, even when not directly related to sexual experiences, can significantly impact an individual’s ability to form healthy and harmonious intimate relationships as an adult. Parenting, lack of open communication, and parental mistakes play a crucial role in this. Below are some common causes and their consequences.

1. Ignoring Physical Boundaries

From an early age, children may be forced to endure unwanted physical contact, such as hugs or kisses from relatives without their consent.

• Consequences:
  Adults who experienced this often struggle to understand their personal boundaries. For instance, a woman might agree to intimacy without realizing whether she truly wants it.
• How to Prevent:
  Teach children to respect their own bodies and recognize boundaries. Always ask for permission before hugging them and respect their refusals.

2. Criticism for Expressing Individuality

If a girl was criticized in childhood for wanting to stand out, wear unique clothing, or experiment with makeup, it could create a sense of shame about her appearance.

• Consequences:
  This can lead to self-consciousness and insecurity in intimate situations, fear of expressing desires, and fear of rejection.
• How to Prevent:
  Encourage children to express their individuality. Praise originality and avoid suppressing their desire to experiment with their appearance.

3. Comments on Physical Changes

Adolescents are often subjected to inappropriate remarks about their bodies, such as “Your breasts have grown so big” or “You don’t have any breasts at all.”

• Consequences:
  Such comments can lead to body image issues, self-loathing, and difficulties in intimate relationships.
• How to Prevent:
  Parents should avoid commenting on physical appearance. Focus on providing support and acceptance of their child’s changes.

4. Lack of Sexual Education

Sex is often a taboo topic in families. Children end up learning about sexuality from unreliable sources, such as peers or shocking content like pornography.

• Consequences:
  Fear, trauma, and distorted perceptions of intimacy. For instance, sex may be associated with something dirty or dangerous.
• How to Prevent:
  Start discussing sexuality with your child before puberty (around age 12) during the “latent sexual phase.” Use age-appropriate literature and resources to explain important aspects clearly.

5. Using “Scare Tactics” About Sex

Many parents try to protect children from early relationships by telling frightening stories, such as how sex ruins lives or is “dirty.”

• Consequences:
  Post-traumatic stress, anxiety in intimate relationships, and difficulties trusting a partner.
• How to Prevent:
  Avoid judging your child if they experience their first relationships. Instead, support them and emphasize the importance of respect, love, and mutual consent.

6. Emotional Abuse and Rejection

Emotional abuse, such as humiliation, criticism, or neglect, can leave deep scars that affect intimate life.

• Consequences:
  Low self-esteem, fear of intimacy, and difficulties with trust. These can result in either avoiding relationships or becoming overly dependent on a partner.
• How to Prevent:
  Create an atmosphere of support and acceptance in the family. Teach children to express their emotions and respect the feelings of others.

7. Early Sexualization Trauma

Children may accidentally witness adult intimate scenes or encounter exhibitionism.

• Consequences:
  Distorted perceptions of sex, ranging from aversion to sexuality to a tendency toward promiscuity.
• How to Prevent:
  Parents play a key role here. If a child witnesses such situations, remain calm. Explain that this behavior is unacceptable (in the case of exhibitionism) or that it is an expression of love between adults (in the case of intimate scenes).

8. Early Sexual Experience

Children or adolescents who begin sexual activity too early, especially in traumatic circumstances, often face psychological repercussions.

• Consequences:
  Sexual dysfunction, depression, and a tendency toward casual relationships. Girls who undergo abortions often have an increased risk of suicidal thoughts.
• How to Prevent:
  Provide a safe space for adolescents to share their thoughts and experiences. Offer accurate and age-appropriate information about sexuality.

9. Incest Between Siblings

Incest disrupts natural boundaries between siblings, which should be based on trust, support, and safety.

• Consequences:
  • Difficulty forming healthy romantic and sexual relationships.
  • Feelings of guilt, shame, and confusion about what is acceptable in relationships.
  • Depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• How to Help a Child Who Experienced Incest:
  • Ensure their safety and provide emotional support.
  • Seek professional help from therapists specializing in trauma.
  • Create a trusting atmosphere where the child can express their feelings without fear of judgment.

Conclusion

Parenting mistakes, ignoring discussions about sexuality, and inappropriate comments can leave deep scars, affecting an adult’s intimate life. To prevent these issues, parents should engage in open, respectful conversations, creating a safe environment for questions and discussions.

Sexual education is not just about physiology; it also involves teaching respect for one’s own and others’ boundaries. Ignoring these topics or using “scare tactics” can lead to distorted perceptions of intimacy and serious psychological problems.

Statistics to Consider:

• According to the WHO, 1 in 5 children worldwide experiences some form of sexual violence, including incest.
• Over 70% of sexual violence cases against children occur within the family or close circle.
• Only 10% of such cases become known due to the taboo around sex and violence, as well as children’s fear, shame, or lack of understanding.

Adults must take responsibility for protecting children and ensuring their emotional and psychological well-being. Talking openly, teaching them self-respect, and providing a safe environment are crucial steps in fostering a happy and secure childhood.

Modern studies highlight the importance of psychotherapy for adults who have experienced childhood trauma. Working with a psychologist can help eliminate negative beliefs and restore the ability to build healthy intimate relationships.